Fully Loved, Fully Known

http://laurachrist.wordpress.com/

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when love was something i trusted, i didn't have to go searching.
i didn't work for its presence.  it was just there. because
life didn't get in the way. because i wasn't focused on myself.
i was focused on a world beyond myself. a world of fairies, and
angels, and unicorns. in a world where i didn't wonder, "who
is God?" because God was there. because i didn't question
who created me just because i couldn't see it.  because my tiny
footsteps did not watch where they were going.  they walked blindly.
they walked to the left and right. they climbed on top of counters
and crawled into chairs too tight to contain my body.  they hid
me in a quiet boat all alone when no one was even watching where
i was going. when everyone started searching,they found me.
and i was safe. because God was watching all along.
i knew wothout truly "knowing" he was always watching, always
listening.
even when i was not aware, he was there. even though most of the
places my feet took me to were places i never imagined i'd end up,
not even sure what the final result of my journey would be,
somehow i always managed to make it out alive. a child may not
be able to reason the way an adult can, but the truth is, they
don't have to. they always trust and let their feet lead them
aimlessly.
so now, the larger feet don't always move because they can see what
is ahead. and though some wisdom is granted to the individual
inside of us, the truth is... maybe we should just move without
looking... without worrying... because in reality, what's the
worst that could happen?

the better words:

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting
away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.
For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an
eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes
not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is
temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." -2 Corinthians 4:16-18

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be
terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be
with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

From someone else's blog... to put it into perspective:

"The Bible says we must be like a child to enter the kingdom of heaven (Matthew 18:2-4). Just what does that mean?! I've heard people say this means we must have the faith of a child, but what does that mean? Here's the straight scoop, through a little story from my past:

I remember my daughter when she began toddling, then walking. She was a little bundle of energy! Our house was her whole world. She didn't know what was outside it, at least not past her yard. She didn't understand the vastness and complexity of what was beyond her own little world.

Well, she and I began going for walks around the neighborhood, ranging far and wide. Once the house was out of sight, she could not return on her own. She was lost. She had no idea where to go or what to do, or even if she was safe.

Yet as we crossed one street after another, she held my hand and knew deep in her heart that she was safe. She knew her father loved her and would always do what was best for her. She knew her father would protect her from all harm and guide her in the best way to go, every single time. All she had to do was hold his hand and do what he told her to do and she would have fun along the way, whether she knew where she was going or not!

She didn't get scared or hesitate. She embraced the trip down strange new streets as an adventure, with full confidence in her father. That's how Jesus said we should be; like a child. It's called faith."

i have grown quite accustomed to scouring the want ads in sunday's paper.  but it sure as hell isn't any more fun than it was before.

I am slightly materialistic, and I love dresses... especially this one:

Dress

...a la Ralph Lauren, Spring 2008 collection.  I may never own this dress, but a girl sure can dream, right?

Anyhow, I have been into fashion for some time.  Getting it to translate into my own wardrobe can often be another story.  I am thankful, however, that I even have clothes to wear. (:

That being said, I have been reading Vogue a bit lately.  February's issue is fantastic.  Number one, Kate Bosworth is on the cover.  Two, there is an outstanding article called "Truth & Beauty" by Suzanne Berne.  She talks about the effect of growing up with a beautiful, alluring mother affected her very own life.  It's pretty intriguing, really. (So, go get it already!)

Good Enough

i have not written on here in quite some time.  i used to devote more time to writing in a blog, but maybe it's the getting older thing... or maybe it's because i really don't care to divulge upon the normality that is my life.  or is it normal???

i think about so many things... i analyze and criticize and compartmentalize until there is probably nothing left that i can think about... in fact i think so much that sometimes i forget to act.  and i hate that.

i don't know where that came from really.

so anyway, this weekend was good and bad.

plus - i got to see the bravery this weekend and they were phenom.

downer - i was ill with a respiratory infection.  i don't know what forced me into going into this concert in my condition.  maybe it was that i didn't want to leave my friend to her lonesome and maybe it was because i was dying to go. anyhow, i suppose it was worth it to see the hotness that is the bravey.

downer - some dude named dax something or other opened for these guys and that had to be the most depressing half hour of my life.  every song was about death.  i am not lying.  life is death. death. kill the moon.  life is suicide. the guy really needs some sunshine. and the kicker was that his drummer says at the end of their set, "stay happy."  it was actually pretty hilarious.

plus - switch was the very first band to play.  they were from the uk, very happy, and very good.

plus - spending time with my bff. going to pf changs, perkins rowe, and the fantabulous beverage known as the frappucino.

downer - having little to no energy

plus - reading a good book at b&n.

downer - putting some pretty important things on hold.

plus - having some time to drive & think.  think about where my life is really going, what i want to do for a career, etc etc.

downer - having no clue still how i will be able to do what i want to do, or if i should do it for that matter.

plus - God is in control.  and he still loves me in spite of me.

life is not fair.

i am not perfect.

and a good friend once remarked upon the mention of human perfection, "Thank God we're not."

i love sushi y martinis.

Give Up

“Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise. Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.”- Proverbs 19:20-21

The morning has been bittersweet. 

The air is cool & the sky is clear. Sun is shining through the window. And I can hear my roommate singing upstairs to her music.

However, I am chilled by the thoughts of the unknown and what is to come these next few months. There's also this deep sense of loneliness in my heart and a longing for someone.

And then... I am thankful God is God in times like these.

So today has to be one of the slowest days at work in a loooong time.  I think everyone here is consumed with the LSU/Florida game today....

I think this weekend I will teach myself a little bit more guitar.  I don't know very much at all, but I am getting there.  As far as patience goes, I don't have a lot of it.  This is probably an answer to gaining some more of it.  I really don't have the money to pay for lessons, and I'd rather not burden those I know who play it to give me free lessons.  Everyone's pretty busy these days.

I have been wanting to play the guitar for as long as I can remember.  I took piano for one semester as an elective, and I was pretty lazy with it.  It was my senior year of college, and I was so consumed with that, I put it off.  I wish I hadn't. But here I am, and I am ready for a new endeavor.  Let's see how it goes...